I still don’t have any children; I have never been in a rush for them. I did, however realize at a young age that having children too early can cause a detour in original plans. I talked to so many people have talked to me about their regrets in life. Saying how they had a child and all their priorities had to go towards this child thus they were unable to finish what it was they wanted to. Or they are getting killed by child support and they are unable to concentrate on themselves anymore.
I wanted to make it a goal to finish concentrating on myself and finishing my degree before I was able to pick up the responsibility of another woman and/or children. I’ve seen people enter marriage far too early and it end up with them not having any money. The whole thing ended in a disaster. I remember my friend Sean. He used to make fun of me for being my age and still being in the house. At this age, I was 21. He was 19 and moved out in an apartment to be with his girlfriend. They moved out together. They ended up (of course) getting pregnant and having a child.
He decided to marry his wife. They lived together and everything fell apart. He wasn’t able to provide for his wife. That’s a hard feeling not being able to do that. I saw their marriage first hand fall apart. I also think they just weren’t together long enough to know if they were right for one another as well. He is now divorced; he has custody of the child however.
I knew very well that I didn’t want that type of life. I see so many people entering marriages and I don’t know I just see so many ticking time bombs. He was working at Circuit City. Did he honestly think that was enough money to live off of for him and his wife? Why go into a marriage not all the way ready? How is someone fine with not having their degree before entering a marriage? How is someone fine with entering a marriage without having a stable job? How is someone ready to enter a marriage only knowing the person less than a year? How is someone fine with entering a marriage without first meeting members of the family they marry? All of these questions puzzle me day after day.
I just can’t drop my standards. I just don’t ever want to feel as if my wife’s income is ever crucial the marriage’s survival. I do feel that her extra income would be great. But I never want to be in a situation where her working is mandatory or the household will fall apart. Let’s not get it mistaken here; a woman has to have children. Not to mention those children may desire time with their mother. You as a man should allow for that time if necessary to always be an option.
I don’t understand how people enter marriages incomplete. I’ve seen so many marriages that are in financial ruin or two spouses that are not happy at all entering marriages like this. It’s something that I stand firmly behind and I have high standards for myself. People think it is infidelity and love that makes marriages work. Unfortunately their downfall is finances. That is the leading cause for marriages ending. That is also the leading cause for marriages failing. Far more than infidelity even though for some reason people tend to point towards infidelity and concentrate on it far more.
I learned long ago where to put my concentrated efforts towards and that were finances and ensure that those were not a worry. Most anything else you can make it through. Lastly, being married and having that time where it is only you and your wife. Not you, your wife, and children off the jump. I am not saying that children are bad. But you and your wife need bonding time before marriage. I’ve yet to see that happen in many of the marriage I have seen. It’s a reason half of marriages fail and that’s because most do not plan like I do.
I will say a female can influence you. She can impose her will on you and make you shake your ground and want to wavier on what it is you want to do. While, I have found myself being swayed women I still try to stay grounded. It’s a path that I have seen revealed to me and I know I must follow it. I feel as if God himself has shown me this path and I need to stay on it. I know it is a Divine fate of mine and for me to have this drive, this motivation to do things the way I do. I know that there’s a spiritual belief behind this drive.
-Magnicious
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