Memoir of Vanity



When I was a younger age, it was a bad thing to date women who weighed more than you. When I was younger, I didn't date very many women. I do remember when I was about to graduate high school. I was dating this girl named Jennifer. She was absolutely stunning! Everyone at school thought she was very beautiful. I used to get compliments all the time about how beautiful she was. People who didn't know me that well would think one thing, then they'd see me with her and think very highly of me. Hearing that confirmation from others was what I really needed to help my already low self confidence at that time.

Although, while we were together, there was a problem that I was struggling with unfortunately. I really liked women who were more thick or weighed more. And, well, Jen was 125 and a smaller girl. I knew that I wouldn't be made fun of or attacked if a dated a woman like that. So, I dated with her and thought that was fine. But deep inside, I wasn't truly attracted to her.

It took alot to live that lie but after we broke up, I went after the type of women that I truly wanted and haven't been with a skinny girl since then. As society has changed and I am around more black people who accept the type of women I like and find beauty in the ones I like, I am very happy about that. I have learned that it is best to go with what or who you want to date instead of who you should date. I don't ever again let that get into my judgement or my ability to make decisions.

I am much happier now and the only validiation I need is from myself. I did miss all the attention I got in high school back in the day for dating what was then considered beautiful but I think this is perfectly fine. It took a while to realize that you have to go with what you want. I do miss Jennifer and our relationship but more so than anything I am happy that I am able to be what I want to be and do exactly what it is I want. That is what it is to truly live, right?

-Magnicious